


This Can't Go On Forever

by ItsCutterKirby



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Gen, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Patton Angst, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Morality | Patton Sanders, could be seen as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsCutterKirby/pseuds/ItsCutterKirby
Summary: Patton has noticed the other sides grow more...distant towards him. After the wedding, it gets worse. But he's fine! He'll just...stay in his room...alone.Mostly.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 12
Kudos: 209





	This Can't Go On Forever

**Author's Note:**

> been wanting to write patton angst.  
> could be seen as platonic or romantic, whatever floats your boat.  
> patton just needs a hug.

It didn’t start out too bad.

Virgil didn’t want to be touched? Understandable, too much contact overwhelmed him. Logan ducked from Patton’s outstretched arms? He was busy, it was no problem. Roman touched him less? That’s fine, Roman had better things to do, anyway.

It started to grow more frequent.

Especially after the trial.

Even more so after _Remus._

Remus was the definite turning point. Virgil’s trust in the fatherly side dwindled, Roman’s confidence in him was questioned, Logan was still _too busy._  
Patton could deal with it. Just smile, no one would notice.

And no one did.

The wait for the wedding was a sour time for everyone involved. No one wanted to go. But they had to. Because _Patton says so._

Dinner was quiet. They didn’t talk as much.

No one returned Patton’s hug good-night.

The night of the wedding was the worst.

Roman’s trust in Patton was basically completely shattered. He had sided with Dec- _Janus_ after all. Roman had been hulled up in his room. Didn’t say anything. Except to Virgil. He told Virgil _all about it._

Virgil was locked in his own room.

Logan was distant to Patton. Patton hadn’t known it was Janus, _again_. Logan thought they didn’t want him. Patton knew this wasn’t true, but Logan wouldn’t talk to him.

He couldn’t talk to Thomas about this. Thomas needed time for himself. He didn’t need to know how bad things were getting.

Then there was Janus.

Janus was the strangest of all. Patton hadn’t known how much the snake cared about their host. He should have. He should have known Janus was only trying to help.  
He didn’t want to tell Janus about this, though. They had only just started talking to each other like people.

Patton was in his room, face first on his bed. He hadn’t changed his clothes. Too busy crying. It hurt. Everything _hurt._

He couldn’t tell anyone, though. He was happy-pappy Patton. He had to be strong for everyone else.

In the back of his mind, he knew this went against what they had _just talked about_. He knew he was a hypocrite.

But this wasn’t anyone else’s problem. This was just for Patton.

So he sobbed.

He clutched his pillow like a lifeline. He hadn’t even taken off his glasses. He hoped they didn’t break. Not like he could just ask Roman to conjure new ones. Roman didn’t want to see him.

No one did.

The thoughts wormed their way into his head in a torrent of doubt.

_Why can’t I handle this? Why can't I just pretend everything was fine? Everything is fine! I’m fine! I’ve been through worse!_

He paused.

_Everyone noticed before._

He started panicking.

_What did I do wrong? Why can’t I be good enough for them? For Thomas? I’m not-_

His breath hitched.

_I’m not good enough for anyone._

He sat there.

In silence.

Waiting.

For what, he didn’t know.

He just wanted to sink into his bed and not come out.

_Would they notice then?  
Probably not.  
One less thing to worry about._

Patton let out another sob.

He didn’t hear the knock.

_I just want to be there for them._

He didn’t hear the door open.

_They don’t want me._

A voice said his name.

It said it again.

He just let out a sob as a response.

There was someone there.

_Why?_

“Patton.” He knew that voice.

Patton looked up. “De-Janus?”

The scaled side looked down at him. “Patton, as much as I love fabrications, your continued misinformation is starting to make me concerned. We just had a discussion about being honest with yourself, so I don’t see why you continue to do this to yourself.”

Patton sank deeper into his bed. “I don’t know why, either. I just… I can’t deal with this.”  
Janus sat next to him. “What, Patton?” His voice was unusually soft. Concerned.

_He shouldn’t be concerned. I don’t deserve it._

“I just...can’t! Everyone needs me to be there for them, but I don’t know how anymore! I don’t know how to help! Now everyone’s mad and I just.. Can’t handle it!”  
Patton buried his face in his hands.

Janus blinked. He knew it was bad, the taste of Patton’s lies were like fire on his tongue, but he didn’t expect it to be _this_ bad.

“Patton…” He put his hand on Patton’s shoulder.

Patton flinched and drew his arm back.   
He sat up and looked at Janus. “J-Janus… I…”

Janus’ eyes were wide. He gazed at the side. “Patton… when was the last time you were touched?”

Patton blinked a few times. When _was_ the last time he’d been touched?

“I… uh,” He hesitated. “I don’t really… remember…”

Janus stared at Patton. “Patton. That’s not good. Why haven’t you told anyone yet?”  
Patton looked down. “I… I didn’t want them to worry. You're the first to notice, actually.”

They went silent.

Janus looked to the fatherly side. “Patton. You are clearly touch starved. You need help. So I will help you.”

Patton glanced at Janus. “You… you will?”

Janus spread his arms gingerly. “Would you… like a hug, Patton?”

Janus didn’t have to finish his sentence before he was embraced by the taller side.

Patton buried his face in Janus’ capelet. “I thought… I thought you weren’t touchy-feely…” he choked out between tears.

Janus rubbed Patton’s scalp. “This one doesn’t count.” His normal suave tone crept into his voice.

Patton didn’t question it. He just sank further into the snake's arms.

He still didn’t feel that great. But… It was a start.

Patton finally felt...nice.

“M’kay.”

**Author's Note:**

> that's that  
> leave thoughts in the comments  
> thanks for reading


End file.
